During high school, many people are so wrapped up with their friends they get to the point where they are defined by their friends (or lack of them). By the time we reach adulthood, the busyness of life or wounds from our past often crowd out any time or desire we have for meaningful friendships. It becomes easy to underestimate and undervalue the power and purpose of meaningful friendships. But what are we really missing when we choose not to engage in friendships? Is it even possible to fulfill God’s purpose in our lives without giving godly friendships a place of priority?

God deeply values friendship. He created the world out of a desire for companionship, designing each person for His pleasure and for a personal relationship with Him. Although there certainly wasn’t much the disciples could off er Jesus by way of enlightenment or intellect, He called the disciples His friends (John 15:13–15). He valued the exchange of affection and loyalty their friendship provided as they walked through the “stuff ” of life together.

We are created in God’s image. If He finds friendship valuable, so should we. To put God first in our friendships, we must value relationships as He does. We must step out of our comfort zones and towards others, because friendships nourish our spirits, feed our minds and draw out our natural gifts. This is all part of God’s purpose for our lives. We learn about friendship from God, and we learn about God from our friendships.When I was in my late 20s, my husband and I moved across the country with our one-year-old son and became involved in a wonderful, large church. We only knew one couple when we arrived, and I soon realized I was at risk of becoming a hermit if I didn’t get out and meet some people. Although I’m very outgoing by nature, I had become internally isolated over the past several years. The hurts of past friendships combined with my unhealthy efforts to hide my shortcomings had made me wary of allowing others close to my heart. I had grown content with my mostly “surface-y” friendships. However, I made a deliberate decision to join a small group for the first time, although it was primarily so my son could meet some new kids to play with.

In spite of my motivation for joining the group, my new friends unknowingly coaxed me out of my internal cave — flaws and all. I began to understand the grace and acceptance of God in a very tangible way, and I started reaching out to others in ways I previously wouldn’t have been comfortable with. God taught me to be a better friend, and my friendships taught me a lot about God. Most importantly, I realized that I can’t live life to the fullest nor become all God wants me to be without the exchange of truth and grace that comes through godly friendships.

Our relationships either help or hinder us in our pursuit of God. Whether we like it or not, our friends shape who we are. 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NLT) cautions, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’ ” The Bible also warns us not to “throw our pearls before swine.” In other words, don’t entrust the pearls of our hearts to unfaithful people. On the other hand, a friend that is actively pursuing God and seeking His will can’t help but be a positive influence, just as my friends in my small group were to me. Their pursuit of God prompted me to seek Him more wholeheartedly. Hebrews 10:24–25 (NIV) encourages us to purposefully seek this kind of relationship with others, to “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds [and] not give up meeting together ….” The people whose lives and words inspire us to be more like Jesus and pursue His purpose for our lives are the ones that God intends for us to embrace as our closest friends. While this certainly doesn’t mean that we should exclude unbelievers from our lives, putting God first in our friendships means seeking His will and employing wisdom when choosing those who form our inner circle of friends.

Your life is designed to be lived with others by your side. Maybe you need to step out and join a small group. Maybe you need to re-evaluate who you’re spending the bulk of your time with. Or maybe you just need to invest a little more time and energy into the godly friendships you already have. Whatever your “maybe” is, don’t miss out on God’s amazing gift of friendship.

Friendship: It involves many things, but, above all, the power of going out of one’s self and seeing and appreciating whatever is … loving in another.
~ Thomas Hughes