Siblings—can’t live with them; can’t live without them. Whether you like it or not, through thick and thin, they’re yours and yours alone ... for life. They’re your earliest playmates, your closest allies, your first friends. Our sibling relationships are often the most unique and lasting relationship we’ll ever have. We know our parents for perhaps 50–70 years, our spouses for maybe 40–60 years, but we may know our siblings for 80–90 years. While friends come and go, siblings are always there.

Viewed from God’s perspective, placement in our family isn’t an accident; it’s by divine appointment. We can’t choose our brothers and sisters; we have no say in the matter. God had something specific in mind when He put us in our families, and He uses our brothers and sisters to shape and define who we are.

The Bible is peppered with stories about relationships between siblings—Cain and Abel; Jacob and Esau; Joseph and his brothers; Moses, Miriam and Aaron; the list is long. While most of these sibling relationships teach us what not to do, the Bible does offer some significant examples of healthy sibling relationships.

Martha, Mary and Lazarus are three siblings who lived over 2,000 years ago who were quite close and deeply loved each other. These siblings didn’t have a perfect relationship; however, there’s much we can learn from them. To start with, they didn’t attack each other’s character. When Martha became angry with Mary for not helping her in the kitchen, she didn’t yell, call Mary lazy or disrespect her in front of others. While she was frustrated with Mary’s behavior, she didn’t attack or criticize Mary’s character. Instead, she came to Jesus, their dinner guest for the evening, asking Him to help her get Mary back into the kitchen. And when Jesus rebuked Martha and told her that Mary had made the better choice by spending time with Him, Mary didn’t tell Martha, “I told you so” or “Mind your own business”; instead, she stayed silent. These two sisters who were very different—one was a perfectionist, the other a dreamer—discovered that both had something to learn from each other. Martha learned to be more relaxed in life; Mary learned to be more industrious.

Lazarus, their brother, also teaches us something valuable—responsibility for each other. Here was a brother who probably was at an age where he could be married, yet he didn’t desert his sisters; he provided for them. He loved his sisters deeply enough to protect them and be there when they needed him. The lives of Martha, Mary and Lazarus show us the importance of being there for our brothers and sisters, supporting them and loving them.

The Bible is full of instructions you can apply in your relationships with your siblings—both natural and spiritual. Just as it’s sometimes difficult to get along with our natural siblings, at times, it’s also difficult to get along with your spiritual brothers and sisters. Recently, my five- year-old nephew, Cole, heard about the story of Hannah and Samuel in his Sunday School class. Later that day, as Cole was talking to his mom, his two-year old sister, Ava, began to irritate him. Remembering the story, Cole came up with a bright idea and asked his mom, “Momma, why don’t we give Ava back to Jesus like Hannah did with Samuel?” Do you ever feel that way about your brothers and sisters in God’s family? Where all you want to do is “send them back”?

Yet the Bible teaches us to treat our spiritual siblings as we do our own natural biological siblings; we need to accept and love them as our own (1 Timothy 5:1–2). As members of the Body of Christ, we should build each other up instead of criticizing, judging and tearing each other down. We must celebrate our relationships with our brothers and sisters. Look out for each other’s best interests. Prefer one another above ourselves. Forgive each other. Strive for unity. But, above all, love one another (John 17:20–23).

Families work best not by papering over their differences but rather by celebrating them. A healthy family builds up the weakest members while not tearing down the strong.
~ Philip Yancey